Part of a machine

Since leaving university in May this year, I've done extremely little with my life. I work at Asda doing night shifts, and life is pretty boring. I rarely get to see people as I'm asleep during the day; when everyone else is meeting up for fun activities, I'm stacking juice. I pretty much live for the short breaks from work, when I get to leave the small bubble I live in and visit Cassie. Without the prospect of those breaks I don't know how I'd have coped this summer.

My life is a short cycle set on repeat, I wake up, go to the gym some days, eat food, read books then go to work. Repeat. I'm not even managing to save a lot at the moment, which is odd considering how little I really do. Worst of all, it would seem I'm stuck in this perpetual loop until at least Christmas.

The more I think about it, the less I know what I want to do with my life. I keep telling myself to put off looking for a career as I don't know what to do, but that's not a particularly great plan all told. I think I'm just apprehensive about starting something, about entering the real adult world. The thought of moving away from home permanently and getting a job and a house, starting a new life in many ways, is daunting.

I think I'll move my blog to wordpress soon, blogger seems too childish and reminds me too much of my naive younger self. I want to learn to code and to write my own website, but until then I shall have to make do with a different blog hoster.

Updates to follow.

The future

My university life has been a blur of missed lectures, rushed deadlines, meeting new people and overall good times. Now comes the question, what next?

The sad realisation is that I have all of 3-4 weeks left of actual lectures. Then I have one exam and my university career is over. Fuck.

I don't have a plan. I never have a plan. At the moment I'm just going to be heading home come June 2nd and working at Asda. It goes without saying that I have no intentions of staying there for long, but that requires some sort of planning and foresight from me, skills I lack. 

I want to do a lot of things, but I lack conviction. Tim and I have joked repeatedly that we're going to move to New York by 2014, then live there for an indeterminable amount of time. I can't help but fear this is just going to be a pipe dream. I would absolutely love to do it, I've only visited the city once but it enthrals me. However, I cannot see a way of it happening. I have no idea what sort of job I would apply for there or how hard it is to get visas etc. Overall, a pretty distant fantasy.

That's all I've got though. In the long term I would seriously consider going into teaching, as long as it was at a college or 6th form level. I need a gap though, something that will last at least 5 years, but no longer than 10. If I like the career I'm on I can stick to it. If not I can become a teacher. But what the hell do I do for those 5 years?  

I've never learnt to be proactive and do things myself, I always wait for the push from whatever educational authority I'm currently within. However currently, all I get is the odd email which I never bother to read, they rarely seem to apply to me. 

I've sort of decided to work at Asda for the summer at least, maybe even into the autumn. It's a guaranteed job and will get me some money; I'm still entertaining the idea of travelling after all. 

Come 2014 I want to be on my way to something better. Scrap that. I NEED to be on my way, or the last 3 years have been a waste.

On a side note, read 'Apathy and other small victories' by Paul Neilan. It's a little quirky, but has some genuinely hilarious moments.

Link: http://goo.gl/eW965